The best laid plans....

It never fails.
So I'm getting ready to go out of town to Texas for Christmas. I'm busting my tail to get everything done and actually things were going smoothly and I was ahead of schedule.
Then 48 hours before I leave, my hot water pipes freeze and my hay guy's truck breaks down and so I'm behind on putting hay in. 24 hours before I leave, I'm frantically putting hay in the pastures and my mare Jinx colics. Now, I've had this mare for two years and she's never had any health problems whatsoever. I finally leave the barn at midnight, 12 hours before my flight leaves. Thank God for my friend Shelley, who came out at midnight to keep an eye on Jinx while I headed home to pack.

While I'm out of town, everything runs smoothly. Shelley had a blast taking care of both the dogs and the evening feeding shift at the barn (well, not quite.) Except from Shelley's threats that unless I brought her a large sum of unmarked bills from TX, my shrunken head dog (Chico) would be kidnapped, I had a pleasant trip.

I get back into town and 12 hours after I return, my hot water and electric system in the barn short out. Sheesh.

Then I catch Juicy the pony having an all you can eat buffet when the feed store delivery guy left the feed outside of the feed room instead of putting it in.

The next day I discover my chicken, Elvis, has injured his wing. Today, I caught one of the horses beating him up. So, needless to say, Rachel, Alina, and myself spent some time chasing the chicken. Finally, we cornered him, tackled him with a horse blanket, and moved him to a different pasture.

Man, I'm tired.

You know, Sylvester Stallone made chicken chasing look effortless in the Rocky movies but I can tell you that it's harder than it looks.

Well, I'm off to clean stalls. Who wants to bet that Keebler pooped in his feed bucket again?? Dang, that horse has the best aim.

By the way...

If you're ever bored, check out my YouTube videos. I've got a few of the purple pony halter on there. I know, tempting... Don't deny it.

You can find me under sabrinatheTXblonde.

Later gator!

Sheesh

Fixing fences in the cold and the dark while drinking whiskey(okay, well eggnog). My life is like a bad Willie Nelson song...

Yummy!!!

Boy oh boy, there's nothing like a gallon of soy eggnog and a big bag of chocolate chips to take the edge off a long day.

Or give me a stomachache.....

I think I'm colicing.

Got banamine???

Anyone, anyone?

Bueller?

I'm off to roll in the hay.

Kids are awesome.

My 5 yr. old son just looked at me and said "I'm so glad I didn't forget to wake up today."

Me too, son!!!

Awesome.

New pony!!! (Maybe?)

So, Juicy the purple pony halter pony, has a big clump of snow frozen to the middle of his forehead. It looks like a big star.

Anyone think I could pass him off as a different pony with the star(and a year's worth of horse tranqs included)?

Beautiful

I love watching the horses play. It's so peaceful to watch them enjoy themselves in the snow. They roll in it, they play tag, they run and buck and snort, they pull off... What the hell??? That stupid fatty patty pony, Juicy, just took a hunk out of Spongebob's Baker blanket! Excuse me while I go kill him.

Okay, I think I just burned 3000 calories chasing him in the snow. I swear he's laughing at me. Just for that I'm going to hook him to the sledding saucer tomorrow and make him pull the kids around.

Back to the horses. Yep, it's gorgeous. I love watching the big gray Percheron Gunther canter through the snow. He should be in commercials. Echo and McLovin, two rescued thoroughbreds, are playing and rearing. Both of them were so scared to interact with other horses when they first came. Now they're having a blast. Daisy and Jinx snoozing in the sun. Floyd is napping while Sunny the evil sidekick stands guard over him. Buttercup is also stretched out for a nap in the sun. And then there's something I really don't care to see. Yep, it's Keebler the 3 yr. old stud mounting Nanners, the 40 something mare. Hmmmn... K, well, I guess there's someone for everyone huh?
Back to work. No more horse porn. I'd rather clean stalls.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

So, I'm cruising along to go get some honey BBQ chips at my favorite gas station. I come upon a little chicken chaser car stuck in a snow bank with a man in a van and a man in a truck staring at it,scratching their watches and winding their asses.
Well, I'm in no mood for this so I hop out and say to them, "Get out of the way or get run over."
I yank out one of my two tow chains and tell Bubba in the truck to hook me to the car. Bubba hooks me up and I wasn't so sure it would work but the pansy guy in the car didn't want to get his skirt wet so he refused to get out and check. Forget you, I think as I gun it. Oops. Yep, Bubba hooked me to the wrong place. By now a third guy in a truck has shown up and is standing there cleaning his ear with his car key. I said, "Hook me up to this yahoo and let's get this show on the road." Jr.Woodchuck ear cleaner does so and correctly,I might add. "I hollered out the window, "Let me show ya how we do it in Texas boys!!!" and Ol Bessie and I yank that rice burner right out of the snowbank. As I'm taking the tow chain off and the three guys, Bubba, Jr., and Skeeter with the van are debating whether to ask me for my number or slap me on the butt and say "Good game, coach," the guy in the rice burner is staring sullenly at his sad little car with the grill now pulled off and part of the engine pulled out. "That's what you get for buying foreign, Slick," I cheerfully tell him.". Later boys!!!
Hahahahahahahahahaha, Oh my God, that guy's going to have a heck of a time explaining that to the car repair place. :-)

Damn it...

I know where all my halters are. I know where my lead ropes are. I know where all of my bridles, saddles, brushes, polo wraps, lunge lines, horses, pink clippers, eskadron boots, vet wrap, needles and syringes, dogs, child, gloves, jackets, Baker blankets, etc. are. But where are my car keys??????

I'm outa here!!

This cold weather crap is for the birds, specifically my chicken, Elvis.

Heavy breathing on the snaps on the chains around my gates to be able to open them. Who needs it? At 11:00 pm? I got those doggone snaps stuck to the inside of my mouth so many times it looked like I'd gone 13 rounds with the Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa.

Cannot believe I was putting hay out until midnight on the coldest damn night of the year thus far. And I didn't have a choice because my hay guy's truck broke down and he couldn't get there until late.

Frozen blankets everywhere. Horses were wild!! Running, leaping, etc. Hell, I had my own country version of the Nutcracker right in front of me. Nasty the prima ballerina was starring. Except she doesn't really do anything but repeatedly donkey kick her heels in the air. Kind of less of a performance than you'd expect from a racehorse who won almost $200k. She almost got me a few times but I'm good at ducking and diving.

Oops, gotta run right quick, my 5 yr old son is trying to feed the black stallion his gloves. With his fingers still inside them. Be right back....

You're pushing it, Mom.

If my mother argues with me one more time about me painting my shelters purple, I'm going to paint them pink AND purple. Stripes or plaid.
And that's a promise, not a threat, Mom.

Hmmmn...

Just saw the most interesting paradox at my son's school. Right as we were walking up to the door, there was this big, burly, beard sporting, flannel wearing, rough looking mountain man dropping his kids off. I honestly think he might have just pushed aside the rock at the entrance to his cave and grabbed the kids and rolled. The best part though, is I saw him in the parking lot, getting into a SATURN of all cars(not a big ol truck but a flippin SATURN???), that was sparkling clean and covered in all sorts of hippie stickers. You know, save a razor, don't shave your legs(well, maybe I'm exaggerating) but you know what I'm talking about.

Nuts, huh?

Thanks Sunny. Thanks a lot. Jerk.....

Fun times in the horse world. Put hay in tonight. Super cool activity that's a personal favorite of mine. You know why??? Who cares, I'm going to tell you anyway.

It's a great way to see the horses up close and personal. Real close and personal. I know my method of putting in hay is unique. Don't hate me for it or be jealous. :-). But truly, I swear I'm practically climbing underneath them or crawling around their big stinky feet. Don't ask, because I don't want to explain. Just believe me when I say you haven't experienced adrenaline until you've been caught in between the 2300 lb Percheron draft, Gunther, and my much smaller but much tougher thoroughbred mare, Nasty Bitch. Yes, that's her name, and come visit sometime and you'll figure out why in about two seconds. It's crazy that even at my age and with my beat to hell body that I'm able to leap on top of the four foot high round bale. Like I was doing the high jump and long jump at the same time, but even better than I was in high school.

And, I know those who know me will snort hysterically when they read this but I do try(occassionally) to clean up as I go along. Like picking up the net wrap from the previous bales. So, tonight, it's dark and I'm doing hay in my pasture, ducking and diving, and bobbing and weaving, when I spy a net wrap on the ground. I make a mental note to grab it in about three seconds. Three seconds later, blinded by my headlights, I'm at the net wrap. As I reach for it, I bump into something solid and furry. Ooh, I hope that's not Otis because he's either going to do another rain dance on my forehead or kick a front tooth out or something similar.

Nope, it's my boy, Sunny. For those who don't know him, Sunny is my 17.2 hand jumper. Big boy and with a big sense of humor. As I'm breathing a sigh of relief that it's him and not Otis, I register the fact that my hand is wet. And warm. What the heck? Mind you I'm still bent over and trying to pull the net wrap out of the frozen ground.

Why was it wet? And warm you ask?

Because, that was the exact spot that Sunny, the comedian, chose out of his fifteen acre pasture to pee. And that's why I bumped into him. Because he hadn't yet put down his copy of the Newsweek and moved on with his life yet. He was still peeing, on the net wrap, and very nearly on my head.

Thanks!!!! Love you too!!! Ewwwwwwww.......

On to Juicy. The purple halter pony!!! The little tubby guy was good today. I was able to catch him for both feedings today. Now, I don't catch him to feed him. Shoot, he lives on air. Nope, he and the donkey, Pepe, get tied up at feeding time. We call it "Assuming the position."

Oops, gotta run. My son is trying to wrestle me down in his best imitation of the fight scenes in the Indiana Jones movie they are watching.

Two days ago it was Rocky. Although, I'm sure those close to me would like me to move on as I've been playing the eye of the tiger song on youtube on my phone on speaker nonstop. And dancing. Not pretty.

Oh, by the way, I need help naming my chicken. He's not really mine. I hope. I was driving up front to go feed the front pasture a while back when I saw this chicken(that's huge by the way!) stroll down the street and right in my gates like he was just returning from his morning jog.

Apparently, he chose to take up residence in the neighbor's front yard and wake him every morning with a hearty cock a doodle doo.(Do roosters even really do that?)

The neighbor actually called animal control and Bob the animal guy came out and chased the chicken/rooster away. Right into my pasture it seems. So for about a month, I've had a gosh darn chicken/rooster living in my pasture with the horses. And those who know me know I hate chickens. I don't even eat chicken. Or yard bird, as my dad calls it. Whatever.

So, I need ideas on a name for the chicken.

And, now I really gotta go. Cole is still trying to wrestle me but he's added shoelaces and it's getting dangerous, for me, at least.

Night all. And Shelley, thanks. Ya lifer!!!! Hahahahahahahahaha.

Oh Come ON!!!!

Okay, I realize people are busy nowadays. However, surely you can get out to see your horses more than four times a year.

Moving on otherwise I will write a novel about out of sight, out of mind, horse owners.

So, it's cold. Like really, really cold. Freeze your ass off cold. It got very cold very quickly. No one had time to get used to it. The horses are miserable. Typically they love the cold weather. However, they are mostly scootching around looking pathetic.

All except for guess who???

Yep, that damn pony, Juicy. He's having a freaking blast playing with all the big guys and trying to rip their blankets off. I swear I must scream at him thirty-seven times a day "Those are Baker blankets you asshole!!! Have some respect!!"

But alas, he just laughs at me and moves on. And someone ripped off his purple pony halter so now he has a pink one. And, the men of the good ol USA could take some confidence lessons from this guy. He sports that pink halter, I'm telling you. I remember getting my little brother a t-shirt long ago that said "Real men wear pink." Yep, Juicy needs that saying tattooed across his fat ass. He's like a strutting little hispanic gay man in the National Coming Out parade. "You know you want some of this, doncha? That's right baby. Check out my pink halter. And my girl is gonna bling and bedazzle it all up. You know this!! Don't hate me baby, don't hate me."

Sheesh, enough of that. So, my son is up late once again. Maybe if he wasn't given free rein with the child legal Red Bull, aka Bug Juices, he might not be more wired that a labrador on uppers.

I cannot motivate myself to ride. I am dreaming of warm weather. I don't care where, although I'm going to TX in 12 days. That will be nice, you know the family thing. I'm sure that my Zoloft will keep me smiling, or at least from ripping someone a new one.

So, I just noticed that the key that my son ripped off my keyboard when he became very frustrated at the Disney game he was playing on my computer, the key is taped back on. Yes, taped. As in scotch taped. I'd post a picture but I have no clue where my phone is. Probably halfway through my son's puppy's large intestine would be my educated guess.

So, I'm going to go to bed. Night world.....

Purple Pony Halter

Dear God,

Here is today's prayer:

Please give me the strength to deal with my pony Juicy without having a stroke, nervous breakdown, meltdown, or wanting to kill him. I know I cannot do it without your help.

Yesterday, I saw him in the neighbor's yard helping himself to the leftovers in their garden. "Don't mind if I do" I could almost hear him thinking.

This morning, he chased my 40 year old mare, Nanners. Right after I caught him, he took off and dragged me through the mud, causing my hat to fall off right in a big puddle.

AS I was driving down the road this afternoon on the way to meet my son's bus, I looked over and spotted Juicy peeking through the trees/foliage that is a natural barrier between my property and the road. It didn't hit me until about a mile later that I had just seen him, not only loose out of the pasture, but that he was in the middle of a ten foot jungle of sorts. Oh well, to be honest, my next thought was that all of the foliage should slow him down from wherever he decides to go next.

Juicy actually didn't do anything wrong tonight. I should be grateful; however I know that he is most likely storing it up for tomorrow morning.

And God, I won't go into all that this little beast of a pony has put me through in the past. That would take months and I don't think either of us wants to relive it.

So, please, help me maintain my sanity until I find this pony a new home.

Thanks God, and good night.

The Keebler Chronicles

Keebler is the very malnourished black stallion that we took in in late August/early September. I was told that Keebler, formerly named Jack, was a smallish 3 yr old thoroughbred stallion. His former owner made no mention of him being underweight or having any issues in any way. Thaaaaaanks a lot, lady.
So, Keebs is actually about 500 lbs underweight. He has a normal horse size head that looks ridiculous on his shrunken little body. His legs are as long as my 17.2 hand tb jumper, although Keebs is actually only about 14.2 hands.
It appears that he has been starved since birth. He is most likely three according to the dentist, and had a horrible club foot on his right front that caused him to walk funny both with his right front and actually resulted in his back being so crooked that he swayed like a drunken sailor.
When he walked out of the barn on the day we picked him up, I didn't know what to say. His chest had to be only about 6 inches wide. His owner had a chain over his nose and he leaped straight up in the air the second he walked out of the barn. Unbelievable.
When the vet saw him two days after we got him, he said he wouldn't even recommend castration as the anesthesia could kill him. That's how skinny he was. And he said that him still being a stud was most likely the worst of my worries as he didn't think Keebs could even mount a mare with his back issues.
It's pretty unlikely that Keebler was ever turned out with other horses. Or handled much. Or fed on a regular basis, come to think of it.
After a while he looked kind of cute cavorting around like a little elf. Hence the name Keebler.
Now, several months later, with his teeth done(two broken teeth pulled), club foot being remediated, and gaining about two hundred lbs and maybe an inch in height, Keebs looks and feels like a new man.
Strangely, he is actually incredibly well mannered. He did have a nipping problem once he became comfortable with us; however, that was handled and doesn't seem to be a problem any longer. We usually handle him with only a lead rope tossed over his neck, not even a halter, and definitely not a chain.
My five year old son has even hopped on him for a quick walk, something Keebs didn't make one second of fuss over. Amazing.
And today, Keebs proved that he can mount a mare. Sheesh. We are in trouble.
Crazily enough, it would seem that the club foot was causing the right front to move abnormally, which caused his back to go out of alignment. One trim from my competent farrier and look what he can do now!
This little stud is proving a lot of people wrong. And I think he is only going to get better and better. He has a great personality and has made lots of friends in the pasture. Can't wait to see how he evolves in the spring.